More Christmas.....

Braden had a great first Christmas, so chilling with mama made it even better!!!
Kaysie and Saydie had to make themselves known in the midst of all the wrapping paper....
Grandma and her obsession of getting rid of ALL lady beetles....

Chatter Box........

Little Reindeer...

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year....may your new year be as blessed as my past year has been.....

This past year has been full of laughs, a whole lot of LOVE and many many blessings all because of this Little Reindeer!!!!!!

33 weeks....

I know there are Lincoln people that haven't seen me in a while, so here you go.....

33 weeks 5 days...which is 6 weeks left, or as of today 45 days until little Benjamin comes into the world......

Holy Cats.....

Well I must say at 28 years old I have over come a major fear...CATS....

My sister wants to get her boyfriend a kitten for Christmas, so I asked one of my supervisors at Target who LOVES cats where to go and what to ask and all that. Jess sent us to the APL in Springfield....we get there park the car, and make the dreadful walk into the building..(we are both scared to death of cats....)

We told the girl at the desk we wanted to look at the kittens, so she gave us directions up to the "cat room" Jess told me about this cat room, BUT failed to mention one very important detail....

We walk up the steps trying to decide if we still wanted to do this, and she said might as well, so we get to the door and look in......................

There were over I swear 100 cats in this room and they were all LOOSE...........my nightmare coming true as we stood outside the door. It took us 15 minutes of looking in the room to get the courage to walk in....BUT we did!!!! We didn't leave eachother's side but we went in. Cats everywhere, batting at us, staring at us with those scary eyes.....however there was a cute little gray one that followed us around the whole time we were in there, but he was too big for what my sister wanted...however he was ADORABLE!!!!!!

That is my fear I am somewhat over....it all came back when one of those little critters decided to attack my jeans....I was outta there!!!

Small talk and Cheerios...

I never understood the LOVE someone could have with Cheerios until Braden fell in love with them.....




After eating an after baptism snack Braden and Great Grandpa partook in some small talk:)

Its been awhile.....

All is well here.

I am doing great, the baby is doing great. He is growing....I only have 10 weeks left..and BOY did this whole mom thing hit me when I pre registered to give birth, the baby shower invites went out, and I finished the gift registries. 10 weeks will fly...

Braden is FABULOUS!!! He is growing up:( He is crawling, pulling himself up, and getting braver as the days go on...he lets go and stand there for a second...then falls and screams:P The other day he had his first spill....smacked his head on the floor and scared his mommy and daddy, but he is good now!!! He also has 4 teeth...and loves munching on Cheerios.

Braden was baptized a few weeks ago. It was a pretty cool. He did really well. Wanted to help the Father with the water...and threw a fit when the water part over over. However, he was happy and smiled through out the who event. I was pretty proud of the little guy!!!
I am still very much in love with him!!! He loves his aunt Danielle...or I would like to think!!!

Friday Night Lights!!!

Braden has to be the CUTEST St T football fan...I got to go to a high school football game this past Friday....I only went to St T because I knew Braden, Brandon and Katie were going to be there...it was good to get out and of course hang out with the BMan...he isn't much into watching the game, but he will watching the people, the lights and every now and then he will stop and glace at the action going on on the other side of the fence......:)

Boy oh Boy!!!

Its a healthy baby BOY!!!!!

He is very healthy, stubborn and seems to be happy in there!!!

6 months

Braden has made it half a year in this crazy world...:)

He is sitting up, has a tooth, talks up a storm...and out of no where he starts laughing....it is HILARIOUS!!! Eating Cheerios. And has been cut back to only nap time, bed time, and in the car with his binki. He is doing really well....however I am pretty sure mommy and daddy give in and he gets it if he is acting up in public:) His facial expressions are only getting better....we are not sure where they came from but his are one of a kind!!!!

Aunt Danielle's little man is growing up!!!!
Few more months/weeks.....he will be crawling, and then its all over:)

Eating habits....

Yummy cereal and applesauce....he wont eat applesauce by itself....:)
And this face....PRICELESS!!!!!!

Teeth....

I never knew I would get excited about teeth...

.....but I got this text message....

"Braden cut his FIRST tooth tonight"

The little man is growing up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shoes:)

I walked into the church Sunday and of course grandma and grandpa were arguing....nothing has changed in 50 years:)

Anyway, grandpa had placed his suitcase and 150.00 shoes on a table in the garage of the church....only to go back to get them and find his shoes GONE.....this sparked the argument..."did you bring them?" "Are they in the Yukon?" "Mama....I brought them...and put them on the table...?" and so on....

Come to find out a random church lady thought they went with the rummage sale....so she took them home, and thankfully with the heads in my family they all came together called the lady, and THANK the LORD she had them....

....she brought them back to the church.....

...marked for 5 DOLLARS......

so, if Mastercard asks.....

.......Golden wedding anniversary shoes....150.00.......
....random church lady.....5 bucks......
......having a story for all the friends, family, and Sunday sermon.....
.....PRICELESS....

150.00 pair of shoes never worn....made the day of about 200 people....:)

Awesome!!!!

A handshake...

This picture is worth standing, wearing the dress, all the pictures, and serving the cake.

My grandpa and his brother really haven't spoke since before I was born....27 and a half years. This pictures proves to me that no matter how mad you siblings make you, or how stubborn you are that there is nothing more important then coming together and making a whole family's day.

These smiles are worth more then 1000 words.

Baby laughs...

If this doesn't make you smile...please let me know:(

6 months

BMan is 5 and a half months old, but I am going with 6 for the sake of I won't see him again until he is almost 7.....

He is sitting up, trying to crawl, a slobber box, talking up a storm and in this scared of strangers bit...he CRIES and has tears if he doesn't know you:( I went to play with him.....and he cried but we became friends and played, went outside and had a fun time!!!!

I love this baby!!!!!!!!!

50 years.

My grandparents have been married 50 years.
We had a big party full of family, friends and lots of laughs.
I am so blessed to have them in my life. Their support and love reminds me everyday of how blessed I really am.
It was an awesome day.

We love Alice!!!!!

If you knew the goons I work with this story would make more sense to each of you, but since most of you don't just read and learn:)

Andy....is a nut...Thomas is crazy and when they get together it is amazing fun times!!!!

Here is the story....

There was a wasp in guest service so Andy try to kill it...with his shoe....and he missed so it flew off and he ran....he then grabbed some random spray and sprayed the mess out of it...and it finally died....
......Thomas was walking up to guest service and Andy of course showed him the massive beast of a wasp and Thomas said "Alice needs this..." So Andy "hauled" it upstairs and places it on Alice's desk with a note.......

So....nothing says "Alice we LOVE you and we are going to miss you" like a dead bird like creature......

Feels like....

I am losing my best friend:(

I was asked to come in on my day off and push Back to School as we were going into the BIGGEST weekend other then the day after Thanksgiving. I am pretty sure Back to School is my newest season hate at Target.....oh my goodness.....it is AWFUL.

Anyway, went in at 7 and got off at 1. Since I was working on the floor I got to go to huddle....the big staff get together to let us know what is going on....well as we were standing there thinking we were done the words I have dreaded from about the moment I met her Abby drops the "I AM LEAVING TARGET...MY LAST DAY WILL BE NEXT FRIDAY." This was last Friday.

I held myself together until I got home. However I wouldn't talk to her, look at her, look at any other ETL's or LOD's. This news hasn't been easy. Like I said I feel like I am losing my best friend. Abby has been my rock, my support, the shoulder I go to, and the ears that have been there every step of the way....especially the last few months.

I guess the good news is....she is going back to school in Champaign to finish up her Master degree. Of course I support her 100 percent because that is all I have gotten from her. She is only an hour and a half way, however it still sucks and I am still finding at times cry.

I thank God everyday for the last year and a half. We can now be friends and not have people pointing and asking me WHY are you friends with her...she is YOUR boss. She maybe my boss, but she is the one person I know I can go to.

However that is not then end of "news" I got to work Monday. All clocked in ready to go. I get the "did you hear about Alice line?" I started BALLING. Alice has been up for a promotion, and she got it!!!!!! She is leaving NEXT Friday for Ottumwa, Iowa to the the Store Team Lead at that Target.

Alice has showed me the importance of following through, hard work and determination. She is going to be awesome. I am just a little self fish and want them both to stay. She too has been there, had listened, cried with me, laughed with me and has walked with me through this journey.

Here is what I have figured out.....Champaign is an hour and a half away from me....Ottumwa, Iowa is 4 hours and 4 minutes....just a drive away:) That and I have a strong hate towards the U of I and Target right now....but I will get over it!!!!!

So....it feels like I am losing my best friends.

Almost.....

He almost has it!!!!
I am sure his daddy will teach him the right way to offend the community!!!

Me and my blankie!!

He looks drunk in this picture.....:)
Its very tasty!
Very content watching daddy play the Xbox.

4 months...

(this picture....either they are trying to make him into a cheerleader or he only likes to play with those two toys:)


WOW does time fly!

Braden is now rolling
---talking baby talk,
---spits a lot more,
---SLOBBERS everywhere,
---laughs out loud,
---has figured out that his knees bend...and will jump for HOURS...
---will only fall asleep when someone is holding him, but it takes like .2 seconds because he has figured out the no matter how hard he fights...he loses.
---is still a binky baby...
---weighs 20 pounds....5 more pounds and they have to upgrade the carseat...
---------and my favorite.....Brandon "shared" ONE sour patch kid....Braden didn't like it:)

He is getting big, growing up, and is now MOBILE.....its over:)

Names.....

Okay so this baby has a name, but I am not sharing until the day he or she is born....however if you all remember all the names Braden had before he was introduced....you can believe the crazy tradition has carried over.....

From my brother....Benjamin Gaylord....or "Bengay" I thank God Katie screened every name they had picked out.......
My sister.....Baby Myron....(yes again)
My mom...."Gabby Abby"
My mom's husband "Baby Mimi"

Poor kid......:D

All is well. 30 weeks to go.
I may never watch the news or read the newspaper again, but I am getting by. Working a lot, hanging out with Abby and Alice and my roommate. I refuse to be by myself so when Heather is gone I am either at Abby's my sister has been staying with me. call me chicken, but I have my reasons:)

Hope all is well with each of you!!!!!!

3 Months

I cannot beleive Braden is 3 months old already...


He spits, HATES his carseat, weighs a whopping 15 pounds, and of course is the cutest child....even though he looks just like his daddy and is starting to get Brandon's personality...impatient and demanding....if this pattern continues we are in trouble!

Just Pray.

This is one of those post that I have put off for almost 24 hours, but it is a post that must be written.

Due to a tragic unforeseen event that took place over the weekend Jamie and I are no longer together. Pre martial counselling as stopped, and all means of communication has been stopped. This is nothing that I did. It's basically due to a double life that was being lived, and honesty was not a top priority. If you have watched the news anytime in the last few days you know what I am talking about. That is all I am saying about it and that is all that will be brought up in this post and future posts. I am asking that no questions be asked. I am going to talk to the people that I need to talk to. I do what you each to know that I am healthy and the baby is healthy.

Because of this I now have the biggest decision of my life to make in the next 7 months. This is a decision that will not come over night, but it is one that only myself can make. It is not going to be an easy choice but it is one that must be done. I know that each one of you have advice and want to be there, but I have to do what is best for myself and the baby. Its not about JUST me anymore.

I do ask that if you read this that you pray. That's all I want from everyone. I know that I have professors, mentors, family and friends following this blog and all I want is the continued prayers. Encouragement can be given however I am not interested in "what anyone thinks is best."

This situation is real and it is one that I do not wish on anyone, but it happening and I will find the ways that is best for me to work through it. When you learn that a double life is being lead and honesty was a priority at all the real sets in and only YOU can figure out how to work through it. I have learned to trust and lean on Christ in a whole new way.

A gift from God.

5 years ago I underwent surgery to remove severe endometriosis and all three doctors said it would take years, possibly needing treatments and help to have kids.

When you start dating someone, and talk about the future together you come too an agreement that yes indeed you want a family, and you agree that you want no help getting that family you start making plans. Its when those plans take you by surprise and happen a LOT faster then you ever expected.

SO, if you haven't figured it out....YES I am expecting a baby.

Here is all the details....

I am SUING Trojan condoms...not only did they say it would take years, but it happened while using protection....and I am never stepping foot in the city of St Louis again...:)

I am due January 31, 2010
The baby's heartbeat was 148 at the first OBGYN appointment
I find out if its a boy or a girl on October 2nd.
I am keeping the name PRIVATE until the day the baby is born. I gave in and decided to find out boy or girl, so I am keeping something QUIET:) I will share the ones we have picked out but the true name will not be reveled until the birthday:)

I am a sole believer that this baby is a gift from God. Not because every baby is a miracle, but because when you hear the words I heard over and over again from three different doctor's and then it happens while taking precautions....God is in there somewhere. SO, I don't care what anyone thinks, says or how anyone feels. I made a choice and knew what could happen. I am asking for your prayers and any advice you parents can give......:D

I have an ultrasound picture so once I figure out how to scan it I will post it:)

Red vs. Green

Target is based on colors....Red and Green.

Red is not good, needs work, and has room for improvement. Green is awesome but of course there is always room for improvement...or really keeping it at that place.

Today was our district assessment.....our district manager and a few other big shots came down from our district office and did a huge walk through looked for improvements, accomplishments and things that make our store different yet successful from others in our district of about 10 stores.

The good news is our store as a whole scored GREEN overall.
However, my department score red. It is nothing I did...it is actually MUCH BETTER then it was before I took over. There is one of me and I have a big job of getting the place at a GREEN level. It will happen....all of my scores were just short of green, so there is room for improvement. I have an awesome team of Executives behind me that is there when I need them. There when I have the questions and pretty much there to whine.

I am not upset...I did all I could in the week we had to prepare. I am excited for the feedback Neil and the rest of the big shots gave me. However I was more excited to see the smile on Abby, Alice and Jess's face when Neil said...."this looks like a whole new place compared to last quarter."

I said this all day yesterday.....98% of the time I LOVE my job.....today is the other 2%. However. really I have realized sometimes you need the other 2% to really enjoy the 98 you LOVE!!!!

52.....

HOURS is how many I worked this week....
Thats intense I know but it is worth it. A few cranky days....the open to closes I did...then of course the regular hours....I am tired.
Jamie and I are going to St Louis this weekend.
City Museum, Zoo, Cardinals stadium...I know they are not playing but its all good.
It will be fun and worth the get away!

I will write about it later:)

2 months...

Look at me grow!!!

2 months.

Knows how to spit, talk, found his hands, and smailes all the time!!!

I love this kid:)

Sleepy baby.

The only way he will go to sleep...a binky and all snuggled up with a blanket.

Sweet boy:)

Naptime...

I get emails and updates about everyday from Katie, and I am WAY behind on updating this so there are a few posts coming.

Braden naps...often with daddy. These pictures make me smile. All the pictures do, but for some reason these fre here make me smile all day!!!

This was taken after one of Brandon's classes....I personally have it framed and on display in my bedroom:)

Braden smiles...all the time even when sleeping. My brother...sleeps in the most ways...his whole life.....this is his sleeping style, and the baby sleeps JUST like him

Dysfunction at its finest....

This picture needs no explaination.....

My brother, his son and our step dad.......

Father like Son.

8...

Recently I have become a HUGE fan of John and Kate Plus 8. I honestly have no idea why. I am not much into reality shows, but this one is one that has caught my eye and my heart.

If you know the story line then you can ignore this next part.....
John and Kate have two sets of multiples....twin daughter, and of course sextuplets. They are the cutest kids but loud. They scream, cry, hit, bite....typical kids....however right now in their young lives they have a lot going on. Cameras in their faces all the time, people in and out of the house and of course all the madness that is going on with their parents...

They are in the middle of media madness....media making statements about affairs, late night outs, and of course the way they parent.
I cannot stand the media at all...let people live....they have a family that is more important then money...and now they have a marriage to work on...

Many people say that all this was coming....the money, the public, and the things that go on. Let them be....if they want out let them out....they are people too....

John and Kate are a Christian family....hopefully they can pull through and raise this adorable family.

Yep.

Its official.
I suck at a few things in life. Some of which I wont change...like working my scheduled shifts, being a daughter, a granddaughter, friend, aunt, and whatever I go by. Sometimes I sucks as all of these things, but when will it change....? Who knows.

However it took a lesson of "every time we make plans something happens, and its usually Target." Last weekend I requested the whole weekend off. I had things going on at school and I was planning on moving to Springfield. Some of it happend. The one thing that didnt was spending the day with my mom...why you ask? Well after saying NO all week to a girl at work about taking her shift....I gave in at the last possiable second....but it wasnt to her. It was to a supervisior that I had to cancel lunch with because I wanted to go to a graduation party. I gave in because in the end what was said to Alice made me look bad, and I couldnt leave Target without a closer, so I gave in....I didnt really give in I got MAD and agreed. In the end, my mom cried, therefore I cried, so this Friday means the WORLD to me. I finally get to see my nephew, my mom and my siblings....for how long I am unsure because we all have lives and things to get done.

So here is what I have learned....

Saying no is a weakness that may NEVER change...said no about serving at a banquet ALL week as well, but still ended up there....
Spending time with my family shouldnt be over taken by my job, but it is...
Making time for myself is NOT happening.
Not having the chance to say goodbye to college friends because I am at work is depressing....
and of course....
Having to tell my grandma who is in the hospital "I love you" through my aunt because I am working all day SUCKS....
However, knowing that she understands means the world to me.

I like my job, in fact I LOVE my job, but I think its time I reprioritze the things in my life....now whenever that happens.....

I will write a new blog.

Mothers Day...

Is this coming Sunday....

Here is the conversation I had with Brandon last night....

D--What are you getting Katie for Mother's Day?
B--I don't know when is it?
D--Next Sunday the 10th
B--CRAP....I have to work all weekend...
D--Well don't forget and everything will work out.
B--Don't worry big sis I won't forget and I will get her something....
D--Your a good daddy....
B---I KNOW I'M THE BEST......:)

Made my day!!!!!

New Mastercard.....

FOUR trips to the doctor equals 336.00 before insurance
FOUR antibiotics a cream and cough medicine equals 69.00 after insurance
Filling the gas tank twice equals 48.00........
Knowing I have health insurance and being able to back my illnesses because they came from Target.........PRICELESS.....

That's right.
Strep throat, a double ear infection, impetigo, and now the fluid in my left ear is so bad that it is putting pressure on my ear drum and in the end that could rupture....which is going to HURT like crap, and of course blood work after blood work because my white blood cell count is ungodly high has cost me more money then I can count. However I am truly blessed to have the CARD that helps pay for it.
I get quite irritated at people that complain and whine about having to work. I happen to like my job and I am pretty sure they like me.....in this day in age to have a job is a HUGE blessing...people dont see it..........

When grand becomes great.....

I got this picture in an email a few days ago, and it totally melts my heat in everyway. My grandpa Hartnell aparently loves his grandkids....he is always teaching us something about cars, tinkering with who knows what and trying to explain what he is doing...., and of course sleeping in the most random places, but when we are around he is all ears, smiles and laughs.

So I knew the first time he met Braden it was going to something pretty sweet, and it was. I was not there, but Katie shared the experiance....and I was right grandpa held Braden for a good hour and a half, and the smile on his face makes my day.

I cannot wait to snap the picture of my grandparents hold my newborn its a pretty sweet picture...someday it will happen:)

Baby blues....

Since I have been sick I have not been able to see Braden....and really all I can say is I MISS my nephew:(

Diesel James.

A few people have emailed me and asked me about the name Diesel and why I would want to name my son a name that will bring back tearful memories.

Here is why: Diesel wasnt just any baby, the first time I walked into his room he smiled at me, took my finger, and watched every move I made while I was in there. He was able to smile in a way that made my day. I watched him lighten up when his parents talked to him, touched him and when his mom sang to him. He had a huge impact on me while I was in Memphis, his situation had a bigger impact. I watched him take his last breath and I witnessed something I hoped I wouldnt have to see while I was there, but because I had invested time with him and his family...he means a little more the "just another baby".

As for James. That was my dad's name. I think it maybe a family name as well. My grandpa's middle name is James, my dad's name was James, and my cousin's middle name is James. I want to keep it going. I have also know my first son will be something James, so why not take two names of two people who were taken too soon, and turn them into something that will make me smile in any situation.

Makes sense to me.

Lauren Abigail

Will be the name of my first daughter. DON'T WORRY I AM NOT EXPECTING......
(I had to come back in and add this because my brother is an idiot.)

I have always liked the name Lauren and Abigail, but because I have a cousin named Abigail I wouldn't feel right naming my daughter Abby. However it all made a little more sense when I was in Memphis last week....Lauren is a 9 year old little girl who loves pony's, puppies, and Polly Pockets. Lauren has just started treatment for leukemia, and her hair is just starting to fall out and one night while I was walking to my room she was in front of me talking to her big brother about something when she stopped and lifted her mask I knew what was coming next....and it did she was throwing up right in front of me, and we all know how well I do with that, but I couldn't just walk away, so I took a big breath and walked up behind her, grabbed what was left of her hair and held it out of the way so nothing would get in it. When she turned to me and said "thank you" through the tears something hit me...I was not sure what it was but I knew it was there. It was the next day when I had a card under my door and it simply said "when I think of God I will think of you." Thank you for making my daughter feel less embarrassed by doing something as little as holding her hair.
It was a few hours later when I realized that Lauren will always be in my heart and on my mind when I am holding my own child's hair in any situation. That is where Lauren came from.

Abigail came when I met Abby a cancer survivor who was skipping through the hallway of St Jude after her every 6 month check up, she was full of life, and never had a silent moment. I want my kids to be like that. If they are anything like me there will never be a dull moment, but I want them to embrase life through the rough times and learn to trust that its all going to be okay. Even when thier mommy is losing it behind them.

Baseball Geek...

I have some kind of obsession with baseball...if its on T.V. I will watch it. If I were a guy I am sure would be playing....anyway....No matter who it is I will watch, however I am a Cardinals fan through and through, so of course while in Memphis I went to a Redbirds game. I loved every second of it. However, the Redbirds lost...imagine that...a Cardinals farm team..why would they win?

Well hang on...why does everything in the concession stand cost an arm and a leg? I wanted nachos and a drink....7.55. What kind loon made these prices. I get it all the time at Target...."why does a sandwich cost 3 some odd dollars?" I have no clue. Its not me.

When it comes to nachos and a drink I really have to ask....."WHY?"

Ridiculous.....

Bight eyes...

Looking into these eyes helps me see the world a little different:) I know I have said it many times, but I honestly had no idea someone so small could steal my heart in a big way. He is the love of my life right now, and makes me smile even when he is screaming.

St Jude.

A few pictures of the outside of the hospital. I am off to class here in a few, but I have gotten some hate mail...:) About not having a new post everyday....so I am going to try to get the rest of the trip up for your viewing pleasure.....today-tomorrow.

The hospital from the road....I must have forgotten to take some while in campus....

The Chapel buliding. I spent many hours in the building and had a blast doing it.

Beale Street.

Nothing happens here until after 8. Unless your with me....I was nearly run over by a fireturck, got carded just to eat, and witnessed either a drug deal or a friendly ODD handshake? I cannot go anywhere.

Black and white view...I tried to get fancy, but this is all I got:)

This is where I was carded...all I wanted to do was eat dinner.

Beale Street and some information?


B.B. King's resturant....he wasn't there....

Walking in Memphis...

Just a few pictures from around the city.

Binky Baby....

After this week and the craziness it brought the soonest I could see Braden the better I thought. I spent most of the afternoon with him today.....he was VERY cranky, but thank goodness for the binky.....:)
He is getting big....

Today at the doctor he weighed 9 pounds 7 ounces, has to be fed now with formula and breastmilk because he thinks he is starving every hour and a half...but he is learning that he likes breastmilk better. He LOVES to look outside....and the coolest thing I thought he knows who his mommy is....Katie walked by us this afternoon and Braden watched her the whole time...if she is talking he looks for her, and knows exactly who she is. The samething with Brandon...

Speaking of Brandon he is now a full time working daddy.....he has been gone all week training in week in Peoria.....and misses his baby boy like crazy....its kinda cute:)

Target House...

Here is where I have been staying for the last week. The website did NOTHING for the place, so if you tried to look it up....dont be suprized when you look at the picture.

The Target House is sponsered by donations by the Target Corporation and Target store. The Target House all started in 1999, and it has expanded to another house. Now with 98 apartments long term patients of St Jude can stay there for free. There are four isolation apartments which houses patients that have been exposed to any type of disease. A simple cold can be deadly for these kids.

I will post more about this awesome place with more pictures, but I am tired and it has been a LONG day.

4:47 a.m.

I have seen God is some pretty cool ways in the last three weeks. From the birth of Braden to the amazing sights I have got to see this week. Creation at its finest to some of the oddest humans God created....He has a sense of humor let me tell you......

However, this morning at 4:47, in a hospital room that was full of life, a happy baby and a set of parents who had every bit of hope in the world eariler in the day was nothing but that.

Diesel Noah earned his wings this morning after battling brain cancer and RSV. With his parents, two doctors, a nurse, and a college student that had no idea what was about to happen by his side he took his last breath in his mommy's arms. It was in the moment that Rev. Lisa asked me to say a prayer...in that I found a whole new trust in God. Somehow I was able to find the words to say, hold back the tears, and make the unthinkable unforgetable for a family that has touched my heart over the last week.

Rev. Lisa had faith in me, and somehow knew I could do it, and I did it.

However, that is not what made this unbeleiveable experiance beilevable it was when Tayna and Nate, said these words "Take him Lord. Thank you for letting us have him, get to know him and thank you for blessing us with his blue eyes and smile." It was in the very moment that I made the desision to name my first son Diesel James.

There is something about being a parent...I don't know what it is, but I know its the most unselfish, most rewarding, and coolest job in the world, and three days ago I wanted no part of it, but after this week I am giving that part of my life over to God, and telling him, Take it, make it yours, and I will do your will.

Tomorrow I am leaving Memphis. However, my heart will ALWAYS be here.

Diesel Noah Alexander

October 17th 2008-April 9th 2009

St Judes Children's Hospital