New Mastercard.....

FOUR trips to the doctor equals 336.00 before insurance
FOUR antibiotics a cream and cough medicine equals 69.00 after insurance
Filling the gas tank twice equals 48.00........
Knowing I have health insurance and being able to back my illnesses because they came from Target.........PRICELESS.....

That's right.
Strep throat, a double ear infection, impetigo, and now the fluid in my left ear is so bad that it is putting pressure on my ear drum and in the end that could rupture....which is going to HURT like crap, and of course blood work after blood work because my white blood cell count is ungodly high has cost me more money then I can count. However I am truly blessed to have the CARD that helps pay for it.
I get quite irritated at people that complain and whine about having to work. I happen to like my job and I am pretty sure they like me.....in this day in age to have a job is a HUGE blessing...people dont see it..........

When grand becomes great.....

I got this picture in an email a few days ago, and it totally melts my heat in everyway. My grandpa Hartnell aparently loves his grandkids....he is always teaching us something about cars, tinkering with who knows what and trying to explain what he is doing...., and of course sleeping in the most random places, but when we are around he is all ears, smiles and laughs.

So I knew the first time he met Braden it was going to something pretty sweet, and it was. I was not there, but Katie shared the experiance....and I was right grandpa held Braden for a good hour and a half, and the smile on his face makes my day.

I cannot wait to snap the picture of my grandparents hold my newborn its a pretty sweet picture...someday it will happen:)

Baby blues....

Since I have been sick I have not been able to see Braden....and really all I can say is I MISS my nephew:(

Diesel James.

A few people have emailed me and asked me about the name Diesel and why I would want to name my son a name that will bring back tearful memories.

Here is why: Diesel wasnt just any baby, the first time I walked into his room he smiled at me, took my finger, and watched every move I made while I was in there. He was able to smile in a way that made my day. I watched him lighten up when his parents talked to him, touched him and when his mom sang to him. He had a huge impact on me while I was in Memphis, his situation had a bigger impact. I watched him take his last breath and I witnessed something I hoped I wouldnt have to see while I was there, but because I had invested time with him and his family...he means a little more the "just another baby".

As for James. That was my dad's name. I think it maybe a family name as well. My grandpa's middle name is James, my dad's name was James, and my cousin's middle name is James. I want to keep it going. I have also know my first son will be something James, so why not take two names of two people who were taken too soon, and turn them into something that will make me smile in any situation.

Makes sense to me.

Lauren Abigail

Will be the name of my first daughter. DON'T WORRY I AM NOT EXPECTING......
(I had to come back in and add this because my brother is an idiot.)

I have always liked the name Lauren and Abigail, but because I have a cousin named Abigail I wouldn't feel right naming my daughter Abby. However it all made a little more sense when I was in Memphis last week....Lauren is a 9 year old little girl who loves pony's, puppies, and Polly Pockets. Lauren has just started treatment for leukemia, and her hair is just starting to fall out and one night while I was walking to my room she was in front of me talking to her big brother about something when she stopped and lifted her mask I knew what was coming next....and it did she was throwing up right in front of me, and we all know how well I do with that, but I couldn't just walk away, so I took a big breath and walked up behind her, grabbed what was left of her hair and held it out of the way so nothing would get in it. When she turned to me and said "thank you" through the tears something hit me...I was not sure what it was but I knew it was there. It was the next day when I had a card under my door and it simply said "when I think of God I will think of you." Thank you for making my daughter feel less embarrassed by doing something as little as holding her hair.
It was a few hours later when I realized that Lauren will always be in my heart and on my mind when I am holding my own child's hair in any situation. That is where Lauren came from.

Abigail came when I met Abby a cancer survivor who was skipping through the hallway of St Jude after her every 6 month check up, she was full of life, and never had a silent moment. I want my kids to be like that. If they are anything like me there will never be a dull moment, but I want them to embrase life through the rough times and learn to trust that its all going to be okay. Even when thier mommy is losing it behind them.

Baseball Geek...

I have some kind of obsession with baseball...if its on T.V. I will watch it. If I were a guy I am sure would be playing....anyway....No matter who it is I will watch, however I am a Cardinals fan through and through, so of course while in Memphis I went to a Redbirds game. I loved every second of it. However, the Redbirds lost...imagine that...a Cardinals farm team..why would they win?

Well hang on...why does everything in the concession stand cost an arm and a leg? I wanted nachos and a drink....7.55. What kind loon made these prices. I get it all the time at Target...."why does a sandwich cost 3 some odd dollars?" I have no clue. Its not me.

When it comes to nachos and a drink I really have to ask....."WHY?"

Ridiculous.....

Bight eyes...

Looking into these eyes helps me see the world a little different:) I know I have said it many times, but I honestly had no idea someone so small could steal my heart in a big way. He is the love of my life right now, and makes me smile even when he is screaming.

St Jude.

A few pictures of the outside of the hospital. I am off to class here in a few, but I have gotten some hate mail...:) About not having a new post everyday....so I am going to try to get the rest of the trip up for your viewing pleasure.....today-tomorrow.

The hospital from the road....I must have forgotten to take some while in campus....

The Chapel buliding. I spent many hours in the building and had a blast doing it.

Beale Street.

Nothing happens here until after 8. Unless your with me....I was nearly run over by a fireturck, got carded just to eat, and witnessed either a drug deal or a friendly ODD handshake? I cannot go anywhere.

Black and white view...I tried to get fancy, but this is all I got:)

This is where I was carded...all I wanted to do was eat dinner.

Beale Street and some information?


B.B. King's resturant....he wasn't there....

Walking in Memphis...

Just a few pictures from around the city.

Binky Baby....

After this week and the craziness it brought the soonest I could see Braden the better I thought. I spent most of the afternoon with him today.....he was VERY cranky, but thank goodness for the binky.....:)
He is getting big....

Today at the doctor he weighed 9 pounds 7 ounces, has to be fed now with formula and breastmilk because he thinks he is starving every hour and a half...but he is learning that he likes breastmilk better. He LOVES to look outside....and the coolest thing I thought he knows who his mommy is....Katie walked by us this afternoon and Braden watched her the whole time...if she is talking he looks for her, and knows exactly who she is. The samething with Brandon...

Speaking of Brandon he is now a full time working daddy.....he has been gone all week training in week in Peoria.....and misses his baby boy like crazy....its kinda cute:)

Target House...

Here is where I have been staying for the last week. The website did NOTHING for the place, so if you tried to look it up....dont be suprized when you look at the picture.

The Target House is sponsered by donations by the Target Corporation and Target store. The Target House all started in 1999, and it has expanded to another house. Now with 98 apartments long term patients of St Jude can stay there for free. There are four isolation apartments which houses patients that have been exposed to any type of disease. A simple cold can be deadly for these kids.

I will post more about this awesome place with more pictures, but I am tired and it has been a LONG day.

4:47 a.m.

I have seen God is some pretty cool ways in the last three weeks. From the birth of Braden to the amazing sights I have got to see this week. Creation at its finest to some of the oddest humans God created....He has a sense of humor let me tell you......

However, this morning at 4:47, in a hospital room that was full of life, a happy baby and a set of parents who had every bit of hope in the world eariler in the day was nothing but that.

Diesel Noah earned his wings this morning after battling brain cancer and RSV. With his parents, two doctors, a nurse, and a college student that had no idea what was about to happen by his side he took his last breath in his mommy's arms. It was in the moment that Rev. Lisa asked me to say a prayer...in that I found a whole new trust in God. Somehow I was able to find the words to say, hold back the tears, and make the unthinkable unforgetable for a family that has touched my heart over the last week.

Rev. Lisa had faith in me, and somehow knew I could do it, and I did it.

However, that is not what made this unbeleiveable experiance beilevable it was when Tayna and Nate, said these words "Take him Lord. Thank you for letting us have him, get to know him and thank you for blessing us with his blue eyes and smile." It was in the very moment that I made the desision to name my first son Diesel James.

There is something about being a parent...I don't know what it is, but I know its the most unselfish, most rewarding, and coolest job in the world, and three days ago I wanted no part of it, but after this week I am giving that part of my life over to God, and telling him, Take it, make it yours, and I will do your will.

Tomorrow I am leaving Memphis. However, my heart will ALWAYS be here.

Diesel Noah Alexander

October 17th 2008-April 9th 2009

St Judes Children's Hospital

Peabody Ducks....

Everyday at 5 o'clock the Peabody Hotel has a duck march. The duck masters leads a flock of ducks from the pool in the main lobby, to the elevtor where they ride to the top of the hotel and have a pleasent night of whatever ducks do after a long day of swimming and eating bread..
It was pretty cool it seeing something like that. After the last few days at the hospital I needed to get out and see something fun.
Diesel's parents and I ate on Beale street, walking around for awhile, and then went back to that Target House for the night. I have grown to like this family. It always happens, and now in just two days I have to say goodbye, and I get to go home. Something they are longing for. I cannot imagine being that far from home away from family and friends with a sick little one.

Baby Diesel...

Walking through the Target House just a second ago I met back up with a family I had met this afternoon with Rev. Lisa. (We are actually going out for dinner...so I have to make this fast....)

Nathan and Tayna have come from California for the hope their 5 month old son Diesel will win the fight agianst AT/RT which is an agressive brain tumor. Diesel is a fighter, with a smile that will brighten anyone's day.

What makes this situation a little more at home I guess is that Diesel is 5 months to the day older then Braden. Tayna gave me a piece of advice while I was visiting this afternoon, and that was "hang on to him, love on him, kiss on him, because sometimes eachday you fear you will walk into his room and see what we have to see, and I cannot wish that on anyone."

In that moment I sent a text Katie and made her drop what she was doing too kiss my nephew who after this week means so much more then "nephew."

Limited....

MEET COLIN......
Colin is 4 years old....almost 5 if you ask him (his birthday is Christmas Eve) Colin is fighting a battle that he is losing right now. He is in the middle of a pretty intense chemo treatment that makes him throw up, not hungry, and if you ask him "sweepy."
However, when you sit down and talk to Colin you would never know he was sick. He laughs, talks, and will tell you stories about his cars, movie collection, and his papa's farm. He has more engery then anyone that I know.
Rev. Lisa and I walked into his room for the first time today and Colin under his gas mask looking thing asked me "do you like cartoon's?" "I said some of them." Well what about SpongeBob?" For the sake of this moment I said "Yes I like SpongeBob." "Well lets color a picture!!"
Colin's mom "Can you ask Miss Danielle nicely if she wants to color a picture?" Colin "mommy sometimes you have to just say things."

I colored a picture of SpongeBob, but I was limited to what I could do.....you see Colin chose the colors, and I colored where he told me too. However, limited from coloring a picture was nothing compared to what this little boy is limited to do. He cannot run, play with his cars on his carpet, play with is big sister, or eat the things he wants. He is hooked up to machines, sleeps during times he should be playing, but if you look at him you would never know.

Limitedness shouldn't stop us from living. finding the laughter, converstions, and tell people what makes us happy. I learned a lesson from Colin: and that is even though we are limited life should still be something we enjoy. Things are going to happen, but they shouldnt stop us.

Sometimes God gives us limitations but we need to take them and work with what we got.

Memphis 101...

I feel like all I am giving is information in these last few posts, but oh well.

Why is it that everyother person in this city thinks they are Elvis? I am six miles from Graceland, but I feel like I am right in the middle of an Elvis convention. They are EVERYWHERE. It's insane.

It is FREEZING here. It was a whole 36 degrees today. I have decided not to check out Mud Valley. I will freeze. Thank goodness I had enough sense to pack my winter coat...and thank goodness I left the gloves in my pockets.

BBQ....it not all its cracked up to be. Every eating place has atleast half of a menu that is BBQ...I have switched to Chicken....soon it will be something else because I cannot handle to much of the samething:)

Jazz Music-its like Elvis. If they are not Elvis they think they a B.B. King himself. Not as good of course, but I can deal with it.

Peabody Hotel and Shopping Plaza-----its AMAZING. Perhaps the most expensive hotel in the country, but beautiful. I cannot touch anything....I am scared I may break something, and I cannot fit anything in there in my budget. The shopping center consists of like five stores....Gap, Victoria Secret, Foot Locker, The Fudge Place, and of course Starbucks. I bought a few things from the Victoria Secret....using the PRANK gift cards I got for Christmas...there was money on them, but they were given to me as a CRAZY joke:)

Beale Street--NOTHING happens until after like 8. I got carded going into a resturant. I didnt even by alcohol, they needed ID just to sit and eat.....not sure how I feel about that:)

Well thats all the information I got for now. I should be a Memphis tour guide....

Traveling 101...

If you have access to a GPS system....use it. AMAZING thats all.

If you have to go to the bathroom...its smart WHEN you see a bathroom...no need to explain.

Read the street sign...or interstate sign BEFORE you turn...again no need to explain.

Counting the dead animals on the side of the road makes for a good time.

Carrying on a conversation with yourself REALLY helps keep you awake...I MEAN carrying on a converstion with God...that sounds less like I need a mental health professional.

Arguing with the GPS system is useless...she could be a little nicer...thats all I am saying. There is no need to squak at everything I do wrong....

Enjoy the sights...its not everyday you get to see in the middle of nowhere a tree in full bloom surrounded by bare trees....it was pretty sweet.

Thats all the information I have tonight. Its late I am going to bed!!!