What a week....

I woke up Monday morning and really should have thought about staying in bed. It has been one of those weeks where everything plus more has gone wrong.

My computer screen is dying....may in rest in peace and thank goodness there is a warranty that will help when I get to Circut City tomorrow.

When you learn the bad things about yourself. It has been happening all week. Realizing the things you are learning is harder and harder to understand...and yet they just keep coming. Why is that? You live with yourself for so many years, and all in one week, a day, or an hour you realize you suck at a few things you thought you had under control.

Today would be my dad's birthday. For some reason it is harder then past years this year.

Not be able to say what is on your heart and mind to the ones you care for most is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I love them, care for them and only want the best for them, but to sit them down and tell them what is on my heart I cannot do.

Then of course something happens and you feel you are stuck in the middle, and all you want to do is wake up but you cannot. I shouldnt feel like this but I do, its not me, but somehow I feel I contributed. When you feel like you want to stick up for both parties when in reality sometimes you just have to let it be. Letting it be is easier said then done.

Life is hard. I have tried to make this week the best I can. Laughing when it is there, talking to friends to get through the rough spots, and shedding a tear for the things that make no sense. I will get through all of this madness its going to take time, but I know at the drop of a hat I have a group of frinds that will listen and lend me a shoulder.....its just letting them in...in that moment will it ever work.....however sometimes I kinda wish they would see it and come to me. Lord knows I am stubborn and only let a few folks in.....they are a few of those folks.

What a week.....can it get any worse....of course it can...I just hope it doesnt.