So small...

Well if you havent noticed I have been MIA for about a week or so. I have having some health issues that I do not want to talk much about, but know that it may or may not be good. However that is not the point of this blog...

The point is that when I stepped foot on the campus of Lincoln Christian College there was and still is a family that has my heart. Brian and Chantell Mills and their three kids Ryder, Rylee, and Regan. Brian is a professor and the director of Student Life. His wife is just pretty amazing. Their littlest Regan is not doing well. She is a fighter though, and God has blessed each and everyone person that has came in contact with her. She amazes me always smiling, and reacts eachtime someone talks to her. She is in the hospital right now and from what it seems maybe fighting for her life.

I am having health problems as I right this I am fighting a headache that will not go away, I am fighting back the tears because I want to be done with school, I want to be healthy, and I want to finish this semester as strong as I came in, but I cannot. However as I read each blog from Chantell and Brian they are fighting a harder battle. They are watching their baby struggle to hang on, and they are struggling to stay strong for the older kids. I fell SO SMALL right now. My battle is not half as theirs. I cannot imagine watching my child lay there and take breaths knowing what could be the last at any moment.

Brian and Chantell are my spiritual heros. Little Regan is amazing. How I can let a headache, rough trips to the bathroom, and many other things I find to whine abot get in the way of my love for the Lord. I will be honest I have given up on God this last half of the semester. I want to be done. I want to do my own thing, I hate the not knowing. As I read each blog from the Mills I read their not knowing and it is MUCH bigger then a headache.

God is amazing I understand that, but sometimes I question each tihng He throws at me. How I can question when I have a part of my family NOT. All I feel is SMALL, embarassed, and ashamed.

Brian, Chantell, Ryder, Rylee, and Regan I LOVE you, and I am praying for you all. Somehow I am sorry for letting small things get in the way. I love each of you!!!!!!!

If you read this pray for Regan and her family as they are fighting!!!